she was so not down for the gang bang
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
