i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
