I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
