Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
