the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
