You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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