By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
