Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He better not be in your backpack
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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