New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
