I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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