so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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