I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I want to fling myself into the sun
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
