So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
