Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
