I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
