I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I touched a dick in church today
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
