Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
