Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
