It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This house was built for laser tag.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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