he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
