I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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