Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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