the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
