My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
