her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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