you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
