my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
