just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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