his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
