it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
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Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize