so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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