I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
