I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
