bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
