i always forget guys have bellybuttons
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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