Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize