I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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