Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
