i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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