Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
