my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
