She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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