She said her name was "party"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
