There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
