I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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