I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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