I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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