her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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