Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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