I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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