i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
