On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
