bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
