I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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