I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
