I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
