i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He felt like a one man threesome
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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