would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
